Virtual ShowroomKids Say The Darnest Things
Ye Olde Friendly Flower Shoppe
During April of 1999, Joe got some junk email from a
friend with tons of funny ancedotes about
the Darnest Things Kids Say. He printed some of
the funnies up and posted them around the shoppe.
Well, it didn't take 15 minutes when someone asked for
a copy of the words of kiddie wisdom! Unfortunately, Joe had deleted
the email just after he printed it up. But they keep
coming. Below is a selection for your giggles.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they
all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
Dessert. The
climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have
to live
elsewhere.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created
from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain,
asked, "Am I
my brother's son?"
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea,
where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached Canada.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven
hundred porcupines.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had
myths. A myth is a female moth.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by
another man of that name.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career
suffered a dramatic decline.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks.
History calls people Romans because they never stayed in
one place for very long.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,
he gasped out:"Tee hee, Brutus."
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his
subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should
be hanged twice for the same offense.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The
greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote
many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow
through an apple while standing on his son's head.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success. When she exposed herself
before her troops they all shouted "hurrah,"
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another
important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter
Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised
the world with a 100-foot clipper.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was
William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a
heroicouplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then
his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
During the Renaissance America began.
Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered
America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were
called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this
was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a
hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were
born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was
the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the
colonists would
send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally
the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of
Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
rubbing two
cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided
against itself
cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Soon the Constitution of the United States was
adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution
the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was
born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat
by one of
the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This
ruined Booth's career.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a
reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and
also wrote
a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton.
It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are
falling off the trees.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept
up in
his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach
was the
most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He
was very large.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
The French Revolution was accomplished before it
happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted
an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a
baroness, she couldn't have any children.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
The sun never set on the British Empire because
the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the
West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a
thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced
virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
History
Reported to be actual Answers to
Sixth Grade History tests:
. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing
by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure
for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the
Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And
Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
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